Christmas Without You

The tree is the same tree— same ornaments, same star, same lights that blink like they don't know someone is missing. Your stocking is still there. No one has the courage to take it down. No one has the courage to fill it. The songs are cruel this year— all that joy, all that togetherness, all those lyrics about home and here I am at home and the home is a house and the house has a hole where you used to be. I set your place at the table. Force of habit, my hands said. I love you, my heart said. I can't stop, my grief said. The children still believe in magic. I envy them— not the magic but the believing. Somewhere, I hope you're having Christmas too— whatever Christmas looks like where you are. I left the porch light on. I always will. It's not for Santa. It's the only way I know to say: you're still expected here. You're still wanted. Merry Christmas. I miss you. Come home.